Now that I think I am ready to date again, I realized I did not know how to ask out a girl I like at all. It’s been a little while and I have no clue how to flirt. I realized that sometimes when I developed a crush on someone I like, it would take me a little while to figure out whether she would go on a date with me or not. This often led me to think too much in my head and maybe cause my own anxiety. So here is how I am changing my dating strategy to reduce any anxiety.
1.) Talk to the Girl You Like
This might sound simple but a lot of men out there in their 30s tend to fantasize about what the conversation would be with the woman rather than going up directly to her and talk to her. The best way I think is to put yourself in a situation without really thinking in which you would at least have to say “Hi”. Honestly, I try to make her laugh which can kind of work but also fail miserably. If you do find yourself failing then yeah understand that.
One girl said:
“That was horrible, you should reintroduce yourself.”
Which is a line I use today when I realize like yeah damn it I did not do that one right and created an awkward social scene. If you have any doubts, just leave them at the door. Dating is supposed to be flirty and sometimes the goofy approaches kind of work. Also I usually mention that I am single or something like subtly if the conversation is fluid and it’s been sometime, you can also figure out if she is single or not. If she is not then move on and keep her as a friend if you would like.
2.) When a Girl Gives You Her Number, Call Her
When I received a girls number I was kind of like what do you say in yout first message. Should it be witty or straight to the point?
Okay so I picked up “Howdy” from Texas and that is not a flirty opening as compared to what these undergraduates say. I also realize “weird” mueseum is not a sexy thing either. Sending a text also late at night does not help so there are a lot of compounding factors against me here if I had to analyze myself.
I would spend some time picking at the words to say and I realized if I didn’t get a message back within 24 hours you kind of realize like ah it’s dead. I hated this so I ended up calling a girl at a more appropriate time. I would wait until like 5:30 or 6:00 PM and not plan any conversation. Just see how I do on the fly. Within 20 seconds I was rejected and I got the feedback I needed instantly. I could drop any emotion or anxiety and move on. I was free. That’s most likely what I will be doing to ask someone out.
3.) Recognize When a Girl Shows Her Interest
Well in late 20s and early 30s we most likely have been through a couple of relationships and our lives are busy. We meet new people everyday and so everyone comes up with filters or characteristics they think would be good as a friend or a potential partner. What I have noticed is when someone genuinely shows interest in you it’s usually about questions about your life or they try to get to know you in some way. Surface level things, like how often do you swim?
I usually start off with
“what brings you to the city?”
I think it’s lighthearted because you get to know if she is from here and her work which can be two different avenues for conversation and the rest flows from there. I have realized when a girl is not interested in getting to know you and not only is it based on her responses but as well as her body language. If she isn’t asking stuff back then end the conversation. Maybe she is nervous as well but then use the body language to determine that.
My dating life still continues to this day and as I get better at it I’ll try to keep posting some tips that work for me.
