It’s been a little while since I wrote about relationships but it took me awhile to get myself together and focus. I turned 30 recently and I think I’m changing myself mentally and who I am. During these last 6 months I’ve learned a lot of self-respect but compassion as well through dating. I want to write them down so I don’t forget. Kind of humorous.
4th Guy on Rotation
When I first started dating, I followed what the undergraduate was doing. Swiping ( I even heard about this rapper “Swipey”, I like his song intro). I met a woman on Hinge and we agreed to meet after work at a restaurant on the inner harbour. I showed up and I waited by a table overlooking the ocean. She texted saying she was here and I went around the restaurant looking until I noticed one woman who kind of looked like her pictures. When she stood up and she looked at me and I looked at her I don’t think we were attracted to each other. The date was awkward. She would tell me stuff and about her situation in Baltimore. For myself, I didn’t feel comfortable talking either so I was quiet which isn’t great but I don’t think I liked this girl. I didn’t realize it at the time. At the end of the date, I walked her back to the car and she told me she couldn’t fit me in her rotation at this time but I would be able to fill a slot perhaps in 4th. It took me a little second to realize what she meant here but I was being fitted into a schedule. I think for the first time I wanted some self-respect so I told her no. We hugged and I did ask for a second date and she said sure we will text. Neither of us contacted each other again.
The Aquarium
Well I started to expand my dating app stuff into other regions of software. So I tried Plenty of Fish (POF). I met someone who I really clicked with initially. We wrote a lot to each other before deciding to meetup and go to the aquarium. It was honestly pretty fun going to see the sharks and stingrays. We talked all day from coffee shop to restaurant. After our date ended and we continued talking I kind of realized I don’t think I clicked with her or something in me was telling me you are moving too fast and this is not right. As work got more heavy and her messages became less of a priority to me (I feel like an idiot and now somewhat embarrassed because I should have messaged back) I realized I don’t like her. I need someone that I am comfortable with communicating with. This one I screwed up, and I am sorry. When I started walking some dogs for an extra buck I kind of observed how couples are and how responsible some folk are especially to each other when they need each other and how often they talk.
They took care of their stuff and I was also responsible for their pet. I had a lot of fun and it was a lot of work. Also got over my fear of picking up poop. It’s really training me for what it’s going to be like to raise something and be consistent everyday which is the hardest part. It was cool to see these couples work as a team and communicate. After this experience I really knew that if I was going to start dating I need to make sure whoever I like I am honest with myself that I like them. If I am patient, they will show up.
The Gym
I closed down all the dating apps. I don’t want to meet someone online. At this point, even in my science, I’m just going to believe in fate and ride the wave. So I started just living in this ritual and if told myself if I am consistent someone will show up in my life eventually. So this one isn’t a date but more of something I felt over time. I met someone that I found really cool and who when I looked into her eyes, it was intimidating yet comfortable. After that, I would get nervous and I didn’t know how to talk to her but I wanted too. During this time another girl was making some hints and I could tell I was being hit on. I wasn’t attracted to her, she didn’t make my heart beat faster and I felt like I wouldn’t be able to click with her. Then I knew I liked someone because she was who I was focused on. Usually, when that happens I might act pretty stupid or do things to try to impress her perhaps but like subtly especially if she is watching. I think climbing is something I do for myself but also it allows you a place to kind of just show off yourself physically and be cool. But in the journey of looking cool you act like an idiot. There was this block where I had to jump up on like an intense squat and it was pretty high but I was feeling ballsy. I clipped the edge and fell like face first into the block. Got up smiling because I knew that made her laugh and even though like yeah that hurt, it was well worth it.
I went up to her some other day and asked her out in person. That’s probably the most vulnerable thing I can do. She isn’t available and dating someone. Ouch.
I feel really proud of myself though to be honest. I liked this girl and it’s been awhile since I’ve liked someone or felt it. She made my heart flutter and I liked going up to someone and asking them out. I didn’t know her exact age but she was older than me I think. It was the first time for me dating within maybe a new age range of 30s. She was mature about the whole thing as we keep seeing each other after and I am too. I don’t feel awkward talking to her, it’s pretty fun. She would be a cool friend.
Being single in your 30s you’ve kind of had some experience with relationships and knows some stuff about the opposite sex (or same I wonder what that is like 20s vs 30s). You also learn to embrace some femininity for me as a guy. I do some other things that are considered feminine, getting a pedicure, but I learned from my sister and ex-girlfriends. A girl did notice that, I was honestly surprised she did. I learned a lot from dating so far and I have no real advice on how to approach it for anyone. My theory is consistency is key and I will meet someone.
So off to the climbing gym and a coffee shop to write.
