Well this may come as a surprise to you but my skin is brown. It’s on the paler side of things as some say “yellowbone” but alas it’s brown.
In my dating life, it’s been mostly with other Asian or “brown” individuals except my Ex-fiance. One thing I realized is the pattern of women I was dating through my 5 exes that they were all Asian in some way like myself. Brought up with familiar parenting style, interactions and food.
In my group of friends I noticed, when it came to dating, black were with mostly black, white with white as segregated naturally because of familiarity. Slowly I see my friends as they marry get interracial.
After my last relationship I wanted to try something new where I actively not date Asian and try pushing out of my culture and figure out how to date maybe a variety of folk.
Needless to say, it’s been tricky to adjust.
After my last relationship I gave it 6 months before I went on a date again. The first I met online and we went for lunch at the pier at Fells point in Baltimore. She was white woman.
We starting talking and having drinks getting to know each other. I wasn’t too interested and I think it came off that way as well. I wanted to be engaged to get to know someone new. She mentioned she was dating 5 other people about 30 minutes in and I was honestly astonished. This wasn’t my first time but I have noticed for people that are generally white they date multiple people at the same time. In Asian culture we are taught to be one at a time.
That was something I needed to understand and how emotionally/socially that is done. I walked her to her car and rejected going on a second date and she did too.
2 months later, I went on a date with a black woman after at a coffee shop also on the pier.
It was kind of similar to asian culture as she was very into her career and wanted to be a economist or politician. She brought her homework which I personally didn’t like too much because it kind of reminded me of exes. We sat for an hour while I googled and taught her some economic theory and she laughed/enjoyed the conversation.
It kind of sucked because I like learning but it felt like I couldn’t relax or she couldn’t make me laugh. It reminded me a lot of Asian culture and a strong work ethic. I have a strong ethic however for what I need is someone who I can feel relaxed around because it hasn’t worked in my previous relationships. Lots of my past relationships we studied together but it burned me out because my own work was pressure. We were similar in our cultures. She asked for a second date but I declined. I didn’t want to be a power couple.
I then expanded my horizons into other sexes because why not? I went on a date with an american black male just to see what would happen and maybe after my previous relationships with women I barely feel comfortable around them (that was a case for a little while).
It was odd because I could see maybe from the perspective of a woman how it was to go on a date with a guy and how he flirts/seduces you. It felt odd because I could see the individual as a potential friend and instantly the guy could understand emotions/banter. I could read his body language really well. It felt weird going on a date with a dude where everything just clicked. However, I knew I was Hetereosexual. Every inch in my body was like lets try something new but biologically I couldn’t. He seemed nice and we had a long walk home to his apartment. He really liked the date and said it was the best one he had been on in awhile. In my head, I wasn’t attracted and knew I am not into men. In asian culture, we are taught to be hetereosexual and I wanted to challenge that idea and find out for myself.
The last date I went on was then about a 1 year later with a white woman in Texas. The date was pretty fun and she opened up a range of emotions I haven’t experienced in awhile.
When she first arrived she was dressed up in a nice outfit and within about 10 minutes she was like I am stoned and nervous which I found kind of comforting. It was the first date where out of all the experiences I had this was the most relaxed.
I told her the plan is to food hop until we get to the burger at the end of downtown from my apartment and she was happy to go on the adventure I laid out in the city. I liked it and in Asian culture or any of the women I have dated in the past has never said that as an opening line.
During the date we talked about lots of things and bonded. We ate massive burgers and got drunk together. In Asian culture, it does always feel like we have to be at a standard however there was a more relaxed vibe. I appreciated her because at some point during the date she told me to stop paying for everything. I think that is something I appreciate and I’ve noticed this with mostly american white women is that they will offer to pay.
At the end of the date, she wanted to sleep over and quickly we had “happy” times. This was new to me. The last time I did a one night stand was 8 years ago somewhere in culture. For white women and their culture I have noticed they like to sleep with someone on the first date if they like them. In Asian culture it takes months of getting to know someone. I didn’t know if I liked it or not because I experienced waves of emotions and chaos before I was ready. In American white culture, sex can happen fast if there is a connection. It’s not something I am used too and my therapist said it can be emotionally triggering. In Asian culture, sometimes we are also told to wait until marriage or date only after graduate school. It’s completely different here. I declined a third date because I didn’t feel like we connected. It moved too fast and the sex aspect complicated things emotionally. I realized I need someone to take it slower.
That’s my dating life so far in the last 2 years or so when trying to breach from Asian culture.
