This has affected me for awhile. One day when I was out to dinner with some of my female friends when I asked what they look for in a guy the most common answer is the same “I want to be with someone who is white”.
It didn’t matter if she herself was Asian, black, or white herself it was the first trait when selecting a potential partner. Back in college I never really felt that and but maybe after COVID or as I grew older that trait became more definitive. The nail in the coffin was I was told
“White women do not have kids with someone who is of my skin color” by someone who was white. It didn’t matter about my other qualities that I think makes me worthwhile. One of things that made dating apps kind of not work for me is that I would match with someone maybe 1 or 2 times every 3 months however my friends that were white dudes would receive a substantial amount of likes (mind you he said mostly Asian women). This really changed my perception of women and I became not hostile but I just stopped caring about what they think in terms of dating.
However that changed, I recently went to the Austin tattoo festival because I myself like to get tattoos and my last one on my arm I got tatted at the Baltimore Fest. Yeah the pain does kind of feel good. It was mostly “white” people, I was like the one brown person, but I just started talking, socializing and hanging out. I met one particular woman who was tattooed neck to toe during the tattoo competition
We started talking about which tattoos we liked the most and then socializing about our love for horror movies, how we both like rollerblading and how when I was a kid I used it to get high school (we were broke). She showed me her recent scar from a burn out. When she looked at me however I felt unjudged, like she could see past whatever superficial things on the surface and see my personality. In a weird way, I felt safe.
It’s been awhile since any woman has made me feel that way. I saw a plethora of cuts down her arm and thighs. I asked about it and she looked at me like she wanted to tell me but not right now. This was the first time I met someone with that many scars on her body. I didn’t care that she had them because whatever was in the past is in the past. It wasn’t love at first sight but it felt I could be myself around her and race wasn’t an issue. You could tell she didn’t care. This made me want to be friends and talk to her more because you could feel comfort.
I talked to several more women after that, one who just got her face tattooed:
I thought it was awesome and it was done well. I don’t know her motivation or how the public but I’m sure she is going to receive criticism for who she is. I really applaud that she could be herself.
Another woman I met had her armpits tattooed and I thought that was hardcore. We talked a bit and she was like “Yeah it hurt like a bitch”. I found this super rad. She was a happy individual.
When chatting to her again I just felt comfortable. Maybe it was the tattoos and the crowd who were probably the least judgmental people I have met and race was the last thing on everyone’s mind.
I’m really happy to of met these women because they altered my opinion as a whole and maybe what I’m looking for in a partner. I also felt like when they saw me they weren’t looking at the color of my skin but the tattoos I had on them.
They also could express themselves emotionally and not afraid to show it to me or people in their world.
It’s been a rough ride in the dating world and at times I get frustrated with how difficult it is to find someone you relate to with race being an factor.
I’m ready to try again. I don’t dislike women, I just don’t like the ones in my neighborhood. I don’t fit in. Maybe I should hang out more in tattoo parlors on the east side of Austin.
