As my dating life is all over the place. My therapist said I have sexual anxiety based on my experiences (I’ll talk more about them later) and I wondered what happened to me.
In some prior relationship, it was a sexless relationship. We didn’t connect much emotionally and I don’t know why. It drove me to a person who I was not. I didn’t like myself.
Now that I’ve been single for two years I want to get back out there. I realized I became scared of sex. I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t know what I liked anymore. I didn’t know myself.
I went on a date 2 months ago and it was fun. We went to go get burgers downtown and bar hopped through 6th street:
We started getting drunk and flirting with each other. For me, it was awhile since I flirted with someone and I felt relaxed. She also seemed pretty happy.
We made it back to my apartment, I just moved in and I only had the couch ready.
We smoked a joint on the balcony talking about life and quickly our eyes met. I moved in and she responded. Our tongues met, I didn’t like it. I wasn’t turned on but I continued because it’s been awhile. She was turned on.
I asked her if she wanted to go to the bedroom and she stalled. She said it was too intense and froze. I then asked her was that too intense of a suggesstion and
She said: “yeah, I want too but it feels real now”.
I told her “how about I just bring the blanket, we cuddle and hang out on the couch”.
She said: “I like that idea!”.
I brought the blanket out and we cuddled on the corner of the couch. As we snuggled, she took of her bra from under her shirt. I could feel her breasts up against my chest.
She turned her head and went for the kiss. My head was in the clouds.
She said: “let me see daddy’s cock.”
She put her hand down my pants and I had instant flashbacks to my ex-fiance. I didn’t have many sexual partners before her and she taught me a lot in terms of bondage, discipline, dominance and submission (BDSM). I realized over time, it didn’t turn me on as much or maybe it did but we had problems communicating emotionally. I loved my ex-fiance and I wish I understood some things. The “daddy/daughter” roleplay is a very sensitive relationship. I need comfortability before I reach there.
My body started to act how she wanted. Fast forward 4–5 hours of “happy time”, I had trouble orgasming. I couldn’t cum. I wasn’t comfortable or turned on as much as she was.
I wondered why, my male friends talk about this as well. We could go for hours but we have trouble cumming. Well the reason is because we don’t feel comfortable emotionally to be naturally horny. We feel rushed and what you are doing is not turning us on, it feels like acting temporarily to scratch an itch.
I realized that I need to be honest with what turns me on, attracts me, and communicate that to a woman. I wasn’t honest with her and that gave me sexual anxiety.
Sex is confusing, we do it anyway because we want physical connection however sometimes we sacrifice some emotions and never recognize it. However, we should.
If I can do that over a course of couple of dates and not just the first then that is an obstacle I can start to overcome. This experience changed how I approached women completely.
